consumer ballad

It's Friday and we've got a lot to do

There's brisket to braise and cholent to stew

There's parsley to soak and tea essence to brew

There's humidifiers to fill and lightbulbs to unscrew

I knew I should have listened to my guru

When he told me to beware of Orthodox Jews

But now I'm signed sealed and delivered to my Tel Aviv yeshiva

And I gotta go get some chopped liver

'Cause Friday is Abba's day at the tzorchania

No women allowed north of Carlebach

To you it may be just a hole in the wall

But it's my Chasidic shopping mall

(chorus)

Tzorchania

I'm having such a good time, I'm having a ball

Tzorchania

I'm having such a good time, don't want to stop at all

Out shopping and I'm having a good time

Out shopping and I'm having a ball

At my Chasidic shopping mall

I'm a crazy diamond

Like Paul Simon

Always parsley sage and rosemary thyming

Just in time for the last call for hala rolls
Yes sir yi yi three bags full
I'm in a river of gold like I was Billy Joel
And I feel like I'm going to lose control
I've got a shopping cart ready to reload
I'm going to go whoa whoa like it was Trader Joe's

A bottle of Diet Sprite yeah
I like to eat frozen treats that's why they call me Mr. Fahrenheit
I'm shopping at the speed of light
I'm going to buy a tout-banana candy for you
I'm shopping, I'm shopping, oy yoy yoy
I'm shopping, I'm shopping, I like it

(chorus)

Navigating the tzorchania can be complex
Because these aisles are skinnier than Slim Shady's body mass index
I feel like a Tyrannosaurus Rex in Anne Frank's annex
And I just got a call on my Nexus
My wife wants me home for breakfast in six minutes
My shopping trip is finished, but didn't I just begin it?

(chorus)