Free Will and the Theory of Computation: A Platonic Dialogue by MC Complete

Pierre: But you know the real reason I invited you to La Place de la Creme was to celebrate. Daniel: Congratulations! Celebrate what? Pierre: My project is finally finished. Daniel: Your project? You mean the determinism engine you’re always talking about? Pierre: Yes, the determinism engine. It has a complete model of the state of the universe and a complete model of physical law. It can predict what will happen at any point in time or space. Daniel: The model of physical law is very impressive, but how could it have a complete model of the state of the universe? How are you storing all that information? Pierre: Oh, that. It’s just an extrapolated matter analysis of a piece of fairy cake. Daniel: Cool, like in “The Hitchiker’s Guide”? Pierre: Exactly. Daniel: Well, Pierre, this really is an amazing accomplishment. Let’s order some ice cream. Pierre: Wait a minute, aren’t you going to ask me to predict something? Daniel: What, right now? Pierre: Of course. I can predict anything you want. The weather, the stock market, the Super Bowl -- just ask. Daniel: Wow, that is so cool. Can you predict what flavor of ice cream I’m going to order? Pierre: Of course, I’ll ask the daemon about your ice cream order right now. Daniel: The daemon? Pierre: Yes, the determinism engine, it's a background process, don't you know. (They wait.) Daniel: I’m sorry to say, but your daemon is really slow. How long is this going to take? Pierre: No, the daemon is actually very fast, it’s just the WiFi at La Place is ancient, it's like something out of the 19th century. OK, here we go. It says here that you’re going to order chocolate. Daniel: Wow. That is so cool. Waiter, I’d like a vanilla ice cream please. Waiter: Excellent choice, Sir. I’ll be right back with your ice cream. Pierre: Vanilla? Waiter: Here you go, Sir. Enjoy. Pierre: Wait a minute, vanilla? Daniel: This stuff is delicious. You should get some for yourself. Pierre: I don’t believe it. How did you do that? Do you have free will? Daniel: Not free, Pierre, not free. Just undecidable.